I was longing, or might I say ~ grieving, being able to pick up and go on a spontaneous road trip, go to a concert or basketball game.
At that point, I knew there was no way these activities were going to happen anytime soon. I tried to think of something more within reach that would bring the feeling of "me" back.
Before kids I would spend a lot of time and money in bookstores. Since having kids, the library has become one of my favorite hang outs. They have FREE books! Who knew. I started to read along with the book club there. They have 12 selections for the year. If I conquered even two of those titles I'd feel great!
Most times I would sit in the bathroom and read, 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there. It wasn't the most picturesque setting, with a nice cup of tea (I'm actually more of an iced water girl anyway) and a comfy chair. Some days I was too tired to even pick up the book, I would see it on the night stand and think "hello, ol' friend, I'll get to you soon". Other days I would only get through a few sentences. If I was having a bad day, just knowing my book was waiting for me would help me through.
I slowly began to realize I wasn't "lost". I am still here, only more enhanced by this deep love I've sacrificed so much for. Now I get to watch my children find what makes them happy, what makes them "them". I am an example for them to remember yourself, to be good to yourself. You don't have to fall off the list, you aren't selfish for keeping yourself on it.